Commercials of EVIL!
by Lord of the Squirrels
Summary: I did it! I did it! Tis be chappy 10! Now I can go shoot myself! Whee!
1. Default Chapter

Note: I gots insomnia and two bottles of Mello Yello are right next at my side. What will I do? Who knows... 1:19 a.m. (Start)  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own none of these guys!!!! Wish I did. Wish I had a couple of sporks too... *evil grin*  
  
Summary: Man! I don't know!!! Includes Jhonen Vasquez, evil cereal box characters, and the Power Rangers!!! How does this make you *feel*? Commercials!!!  
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Jhonen vs. The Cereal Monsters (Whooooo...oooo!)  
  
  
Commercial 1: (Appears during your favorite episode of Invader Zim)  
  
(Cue the cheezy music)   
(Jhonen appears sitting at a table, cereal bowl in front of him)  
"Who the hell are you people?! And what are you doing in my kitchen?!" (Grabs spoon and gets into a kung fu stance)  
(Unseen announcer dude)  
"Hey kids!!! How would you like to have breakfast with your favorite ceral box characters?" (Kids cheer some where) "YEAH!!!!!"  
(Jhonen's eyes grow wide) "Who said that?! Dammit!!! Give me answers!!!"   
(All of a sudden, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Booberry show up)  
"Demons!! Demons!! Pure evil!!!" (Puts index fingers together to form a cross)  
(Count Chocula sees Jhonen and points at him) "Blah!! It's him!! The one that did those awful comics!! Blah!!!" (They're not awful! :))  
(Frankenberry) "We must destroy him and eat his head!!!"  
(Booberry) "Let's form Giganto Thingy of Evilness!!" (The trio light up and fuse together) (Flash of very bright light {My eyes!! My eyes!!!} and a big monster is formed) "RRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" (He needs a tic-tac)  
(Jhonen stares up at it) "It the thing of pure evilness!! must call upon the power of the Animal Zords!!! But first things first." (He pulls out a gold cellphone and yells "Wild Access" and transforms into the Red Power Ranger) "Animal Zords, decend!!!" (holds up dagger and a musical sound plays while the zords come down from the happy Animarium place)(*place text here* and the zords fuse to create the Wild Force MegaZord)  
"Prepare to feel my wrath!!!" (Charges at the Thingy of Evilness with the megazord) (Evil Thingy counters his charge and shoots cereal bits at him)   
"Cereal...clogging the engines...must...attack...NOW!!!!!" (Does that super cool move with the big sword and destroys the Thingy) (Megazord breaks down and the animals leave)(transforms back to normal)  
"Breakfast is safe once again. But for how long??" (Place dramatic music here)  
(invader Zim comes back on) "Ooohh!!! My show!!!" (Fades to black)  
  
END (1:43 a.m.)   
  
***** Next commercial!!! Johnny and Skeetios!!!! Evil Hamburger Helper glove!!! What is the world coming to??!!!*****  
  
Don't know why I did this. The Mello Yello fucks your head up. I am obsessed with the Power Rangers!!! Go Blue Ranger!!!! Review after you come back from surgery for the rupture in your stomach from laughing too much!! 


	2. Skettio Grand Prize!

Note: Commercial 1 was a success!!!! Thanketh all of you for your reviews!! I love you all!!! Shit!! Did I say that aloud?! I is a eatin' Spagettios!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Do not own none of them. Jhonen does, George Lucas does, and so does Betty Crocker. She's evil. There's rat poison in her food!!! And I ate some!!! F@*%!!!!   
  
Summary: Johnny wants some skettios!!! (misspelled in last chap.) Creepy hamburger glove appears!!! Grab your forks and tongs!! There's gonna be a party!!!  
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The Fight for SKETTIOS!!  
  
Commercial 2: (appears during favorite Saturday morning cartoon)  
  
(Really cheezy music plays and a can of Skettios appears) (Flashes pop up so much you collapse into a seizure)(Just like that one Pokemon show!!) "Hiya kids!!! Now under each Skettios label, you could win $1.00!!! Booyah!! Hot dog!!"   
(Camera switches to Johnny who is sitting on the couch eating a can of Skettios) "Mmmm...YUU-MMYY!!" (Grabs skettio can and peels off the label) 'YOU WIN OUR $1.00 GRAND PRIZE!!!' (Eyes grow wide and a smile spread over his face) "HELL YEAH!!! I have's me the $1.00 grand prize!!!!"   
(In bursts in the Hamburger Helper glove) "The $1.00 grand prize?!!! I da one who saw it first!!!!" (Does a flying leap at Johnny and snatches the label out of his hand)  
"Aaaahhhh!! My hand!! The Betty Crocker glove BIT my hand!!!" (Gets psycho look in the eyes and pulls out a light saber) "Now he MUST DIE!!!!!!"   
(ZZZHHHRRRIIINNNG!! The glove pulls out a light saber too) "Bring it on, Twig!!!!"  
(Each one flys towards each other and start da saber fight) 'ZZZHHHRRIINNG!! ZZHHIINNGGG!! WHACK!! SPLAT!! SMACKED UP!!! BEEEEEEEPPP!!!(Got censored) (after the censor people!!!!)   
(R2D2 comes on the scene) "Beep boop be doop!! Ba beep beep bee bee bop!!!"  
(Johnny stares at him) "What the FUCK did he just say?!!!"   
(Jar Jar Binks) "He said that you smell like a toaster strudle!!!" (Mmmmm)  
"I'm not a toaster strudle!!!" (Slices off R2D2's tin can of a head)  
(Hamburger Helper glove goes after Jar Jar Binks) "Get back here, you birth defected Easter Bunny!!!!" (Kills him. Then he goes after Johnny again) (Light sabers clash together and they start fighting. It goes on for about 3 hours)  
(3 hours later, still fighting) "The grand prize is mine!!!" (Johnny) (The glove does some Darth Vader move and chops off Johnny's hand) "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" (Runs around and screams like a baby) (Glove laugh maniacally)  
(In bursts some cheerleaders) (OH DEAR GOD!!!!!!) "Rah! Rah! Rah!!! Go Glove-y, Go Glove-y!!!!" (Johnny and the glove temporarily join forces to kill the squad)   
(5 seconds later, the cheerleaders are dead and twitchy) (TWITCHY!!! GODDAMMIT!!!)  
(It also turns out that the glove did not chop his hand off. His sleeve was too long)  
(Darth Vader and Darth Maul {???} pop in) (In famous wheezy voice) "Glove. I am your father!!" (Darth Maul) ''Me too!!!" (What the fuck is this???!!!!!)  
(this traumatizes Johnny and he kills both Darths and the glove)   
(Label floats down from heaven) (Angels: Aaaaaaaaaaaa!!!)  
(Johnny cradles it in his hands and a tear rolls down his face) "Hot damn!!! I still gots me the $1.00 grand prize!!!!" ("Rocky" music plays and fades to black)  
  
END  
  
****10 minutes from now!!! Another commercial during The Power Rangers!!! Devi and the McGruff dog-person!!!! Anti-violence campaign!!! Johnny!!!****  
  
Um...I WAS A EATIN' SPAGETTIOS AND DRINKIN' MOUNTAIN DEW!!! The other mind fucker-upper!!! Hope you laugh till your head explodes!!! Reveiw me!!! 


	3. AntiViolence Campiagn of Pure Chaos

Note: Okay!! It hit me all of a sudden that these really don't resemble commercial. They're just pieces of crap that have exploded out of my mind and onto this hideous computer screen!!! (After they come out, I scream bloody murder) But hey!! Who the hell cares if they're commercials or not! As long as they're funny and fucked up real good!!  
  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any of them!! not even that dog thing!!  
  
Summary: Devi appears with the McGruff Crime Doggy!! Stop the violence!!! Johnny comes on the set and causes chaos!!! Doooooooommm!! Dooooommm!!! DOOOMMM!!!! Dammit!! I said DOOM!!!  
  
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Anti-Violence Campaign of Pure Chaos  
  
Commercial 3:  
  
(Your sitting down watching the Power Rangers kick some major anti-nice monster ass when your TV screen goes black) "WHAT THE???!!!" (You grab the remote and click buttons, but nuttin' works) "NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Why my Power Rangers??!! WWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYY??!!!!!!" (Drop to hands and knees and start bawling)  
(Suddenly your TV comes on and you look up. But to your boxer-short-droppin'-horror.. THAT McGruff doggy person thingy is on!!!) (DAMN YOU TRENCH COAT WEARING DOG!!! DAMN YYYYOOOOUUUU!!!!!!)  
(Then Devi shows up) (Oh my good gollie gosh!!!)  
"Hello children! My name is Devi and I'm gonna talk to you about VI-O-LENCE!! And here to help me is the crime doggy, McGruff!!!" (In walks McGruff) (Children off camera cheer their cheery cheer) (You just get this very disturbed look on face)  
"Hi there!! I'm McGruff the Crime Dog." (We know that already) "And I just want to say that violence is evil!!! PURE EVIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!! I'll prove it!!" (Camera switches to a Skettio eatin' Johnny) "Look!! He may seem like a normal boy eatin' Skettios!! But he's really a GOPHER CHUCKING BOY OF EVIL PUDDING!!! WITNESS THE VIOLENCE!!!"   
(Johnny looks up at the camera and freaks out) "Aaaaahhhh!!! What are you doing in my sacred place of sacreness-ity?! HUH?!!! HUH??!!" (grabs his knife) "No cameras ALLOWED!!! Can't you read the fucking sign?!!!"(Points to sign) ('STAY OUT OF DIE' it read) (Lunges at the camera dude) "Oh NOOOO!!! Get offa me!!! Get offa MEE!!!!" (Camera falls to one side and in background you can hear his tortured screams) :D  
(Then camera gets repositioned and Johnny's face appears) "Now it's YOUR turn evil crime doggy!! Hee hee hee ha!!!" (Runs away)  
"Told ya!!! Told ya!! You damn executive producers!!!! 'Let's document a CRIMINALLY INSANE person for this campaign' you say!!! Well I say, I'M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!' (McGruff runs away with tail between his legs) (He didn't get to far though, Johnny caught him and sliced his throat) "I told you it was your turn Mr. Doggy person!!! Now bleed like you never fucking bled before!!!!!" (Devi, scared shitless, stand there, in total shock from the sight) (Johnny hovers over the dead dog wiping off his knife) (Turns around and spots Devi. [The dog killing went straight to his head] He smiles crookedly and slowly makes his way toward her)   
"Get the hell away from me Johnny!!! I mean it!!!!" (Pulls out a can of mace) (Still a walking) (In the background, kids are now horribly scarred for life after seeing McGruff get killed. All their hair turned white)  
(Johnny still doesn't listen to her and still walks) (That does it!! Devi presses the mace button and sprays a hot blast in his face) "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Bitch!! I can't see!! My burning eyes!!!! " (Devi still blasts him)  
"Who you callin' bitch?! I got your BITCH right here!!!!" (Sprays 'til the can's all sprayed out) (Throws can and walks away) (goes to black)  
  
END  
  
**** Up next!!! Happy Noodle Boy and DISH SOAP!! Yes!! Dish soap!!! Is it DAWN OR PALMOLIVE?! How the hell am I supposed to know??!!! ****  
  
Well, to me this one utterly sucked. Fuck!!! Where's the insanity in my mind?! I need to be out and about!!! Til next time!! 


	4. Happy Noodle Boy and da Soap!

Note: Do you ever wonder if I could be Jhonen Vasquez disguising myself in some stupid pen name? And all my valuable information is just some scam? FAKE?! PLEASE, DO NOT ANSWER 'YES' TO THIS QUESTION!!! For I am not Jhonen Vasquez! I'm just a insane, insomniac girl with a huge imagination!!! ( Moves hands to form a rainbow) AND WHAT THE HELL DOES 'OOC' MEAN?!!  
  
Disclaimer: No owneth any of 'dem. HEAR ME FUNKY WET MONKEES!!!  
  
Summary: It's HNB and dishsoap!! The mad chaos!!! The funky chaos!!! Soap is in da eyes!!!!  
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Happy Noodle Boy and Da Soap  
  
Commercial 4:  
(You are just sittin' on da couch, twiddling your thumbs, blank stare on face from the anti-violence commercial you witnessed a few minutes ago. The images are now burned forever in your retinas. HA HA HA HAH!!!!) (Then another commercial comes on)  
''Oh god, please!! No more insanity!!!'' you beg. "My fragile little psychie can take no more!!!" (I laugh at your weakness!!) :) (But all you see on the screen is a bottle of DAWN dishsoap and it be green) (The relief washes over you. It's like pouring Oriental seasoning on Ramen Noodles) (NOODLES!!!)  
(Then to your sad and unsane life, A FUCKING STICK FIGURE COMES ON THE SET!!!!)  
(It be no bigger than the bottle) (You curl up and bawl) :{  
(The stick figure stops and looks at the DAWN bottle) "Curvy, durvy, noodle oonie!! Fucky greasy ointment!!! Do you believe in love at first sight?!" (jumps on top of the bottle) "All ye little people!!!"(Points down to the counter) "I give you the Ten Commandments of the commanding commandments!!! Dare not defy my athority!! I shall rise above all and clamp down on the mighty twist of a bendy straw!!" (Jumps down)  
(Somewhere off the screen some dude whispers) "Hey!! Stick dick!!! That's not in the script!! You're supposed to say 'DAWN cuts through the toughest of all grease.' DO your comprehend?!!" (Do YOU comprehend my yummy gummy interior?!)  
(Happy Noodle Boy stares at him) "Heretic!! Damn Britney Spears worshiper!!! Why do you shave your ass in acceptance of her?!!" (Kicks the DAWN bottle) (It wavers) "Swiss cheese is better than Cheddar!!" (Farts a really big one. And I mean BIG. SO big that it knocks everybody out from it's deadly odor) (You throw up your intestines. Choke. Then suck 'dem up like SPAGHETTI!!! I said SPAGHETTI!!!!!!!!)  
"Unholy evil beastie-oids!! Relinquish my soul!!!" (the DAWN bottle falls on his skinny self and smooshes the stuffing out of him)   
  
END  
  
****On a different channel!! Squee and Shmee doing a Sesamee Street type thing!! Monsters, aliens, and stuff! Oh MY!!****  
  
Don't ask about any of this. I said that I was insane and better believe it. If you don't, THEN SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR EVER BELOVED HAMSTER!! FOR I SHALL TAKE IT AND MAKE IT INTO NUMMY, yet secret, NOODLES AND RODENT CASSEROLE!!!! Review the almight MEEE!! Thank you. 


	5. Dedication to That Guy Who Died!

Note: I know I said that I would do one about Squee and Shmee and Seseame Street, but I really don't know much about Squee for I no have his comics. Which will be here in about 2 weeks!!! Count 'em!!!! 2!! Booyah!! I love you SLG Publishing!!! Anyway, after reading your reviews (Which made me really smile and feel all warm and gooshy inside) and also getting some commercial ideas, I will do a few chapters on the dedication of ALL OF YOU'S!!!!! As thanks for being my friends!!! :) So send (via e-mail) me ideas and I will put them up until I get my SQUEE! comics. ;)  
  
Disclaimer: I no own 'dem. Not even the Doom-in-a-can-spray. That belongs to That Guy Who Died and the rest is Jhonen!!  
  
Summarie: (LOOKIT!!! A misspelling!! :) Jhonen sees a can of the Doom stuff in da store, and a funky commercial comes on, starring That Guy Who Died!!!! Ooooooooohh!   
  
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Doom-In-A-Can-Spray  
  
Commercial 5:  
  
(Clicky-Click. Stop) "What the hell?" You question as you see a tall guy with firey red hair and a black trench coat and glasses and...! (Just playing) Who is walking down a grocery store aisle and he see a can of some sort. You watch with much anticipation as he looks at the can. (Anxious? No? THEN WHY ARE YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT?!! HUH?!!)  
An eyebrow of his raises up, 'Doom-In-A-Can-Spray? Fresh grapefruit? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TOO?! " He throws it in his cart. Just as he did that, a HUGE tv screen pops out of nowhere. Scaring Jhonen so much, that his pants fall down!! (LOOKIE!! He be wearing Happy Noodle Boy print boxers!!)('Thanx for the image' you say) (Any girls reading this, you say 'WOW!!! I love a man in boxers!!!')(AND ALL OF YOU BETTER BE SAYING THAT TOO!!! FOR I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!)  
KSSSSHHHHHH!!! (Remind you of a certain story?) The static is interrupted and a dead guy is on da screen.  
"Hey you all!!! Buy my Doom-In-A-Can-Spray and you will have much fun!!! WITNESS the fun!!!! Now in fresh grapefrooty scent!!! Mmm...Graaaapfrrrrooooooootieeeeeee!!! I died by a rupture in my stomach from reading Lord of the Squirrels' stories!!" Camera swings over to a group of kids with the can spray. (The giggling little dirt-munching fairies!! FAIRIES!!!) They giggle and shake the can. It goes on for about a good 10 minutes!!   
THEN!! The button is depressed, causing all the anthrax cooties to fly out!!! Everyone dies from inhaling the lung-fucker-upper stuff!! (OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!! Hack! Cough! Croak!! Die.)  
  
END  
  
****Next up!! Mexican Moron's SEX CHANGE IN A CAN!! The anticipation!!****  
  
This was for you That Guy Who Died!!! Hope you liked it!! And an apology if that anthrax thingy offended some of you. |:( Sorry!! I just found it appropriate for this little thing of mine. Doom is funny!! 


	6. Mexican Moron's Dedication!

Note: Did this after I put up the Doom can commercial. this one goes out to the Mexican Moron :) Thanx for your ideas!!  
  
Disclaimer: Again i do not own 'dem. They're Jhonen's and Mexican Moron's.  
  
Summary: You're watching TV. Then you see a commercial with Johnny. He drinks stuff out of a can and something HORRIBLE happens!! What could it be?! Bet you already knoooooooow-oh!!  
  
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Mexican Moron's Dedication  
  
Commercial 6:  
  
Somehow, all the dead and twitchy people of the world are brought back to life from the whole Doom-In-A-Can-Spray incident. You get up off the floor only to be greeted by another goofy and possible deadly commercial. (Oh please NO!!!)  
You watch with terror as you see a very thin, black clad person on the screen holding a can. (The can reads 'SEX CHANGE IN A CAN') Eyebrow raised as you wonder what the hell is going on here. (We all do)  
"Hiya people!!" greets the sticky person thing named Johnny. :) "This is an info-mercial about this!!" Holds out can. "SEX CHANGE IN A CAN!!!!! All you do is pop open the top and guzzle the bile-like tasty fluid down your throat and watch for the results!! Here we GO!!" He pops open the top and CHUGZ it down! (UH OH!!!) Downing the last drop with a satisfying Ahhh! he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.  
He taps his foot a few times and looks at his watch. Then to the horror of your skid--marked undies, Johnny's body begins to change!! (Oh the HORROR!! THE FUCKIN' HORROR!!!!) His chest swells a few inches, his hips grow fuller and with a bright light the stick thingy named Johnny that was standing there before, is now replaced with dun, dun, dun!! DEVI!!!! (You collapse from the horrible sight that burned your eyes out)  
"See!! INSTANT RESULTS!!!! This and similar products only available at Hottopic stores nationwide!! Bye bye!!!"   
  
END  
  
Uhhhhhh...well, Johnny was turned into the very person that hates and fears him. Thank you Mexican Moron for your idea!! More to come!!! You eat corn, yet you listen to Korn... WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!!!! 


	7. The Tango of Evil Ducky!

Note: Finally!!! My head jiggles with ideas!!! I feel so happy! This little number goes out to Evil Ducky. Fear the ducks!!  
Disclaimer: Don't own none of 'dem. Which I find pretty sad.  
Summary: Jhonen finds a box. What could be in the box? TANGO people!!! Tango!!! Flamingos!!!!  
  
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The Tango of Evil Ducky  
  
Commercial 7:  
  
**Since your eyes burned out of your head from the previous commercial, we had to replace you with someone else. And who we found was none other than JHONEN VASQUEZ!!!! Weehoooooo!!**  
Jhonen sat there on his couch watching TV, when he spotted this particular commercial. On the screen was a house that looked very similar to his. (Oooooo! Creepy!!) He watched with much anticipation. A box magically appears outside of the house's door and the doorbell rang in Jhonen's house. He got up to answer it. When he opened the door and saw the box, THIS MEXICAN TANGO DANCIN' LADY POPPED OUT!!   
"Eeeeeeeek!!" he cried, falling backwards. Latino music plays and the lady dances.  
"C'mon chico!! Tango with me!'' she spoke with a heavy accent. Jhonen got up and grabbed the lady by the waist and began dancing. This horrible dancing-ness went on for a good 5 hours. (Holy baloney! Are they even tired yet?!) It still went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...(Energizer bunny made a cameo!!)   
This commercial is too long so...BRING IN THE ANNOUNCER DUDE!!!  
*"I'm still on my coffee break!! I don't want to talk yet!!"* Smacks him in the head with a taquito.   
"Say the fucking words NOW!! OR face my horrible torture of the taquito!!!!"   
*He sticks out tongue* "That does it!!!! C'mere!!!" Chases after him with a taquito and his tortured screams are heard off stage. Then my evil laugh. "HA HA HA HA HA *hack* *Cough* HA HA HA HA HA HAH!!!!"   
Another announcer dude brought in. He looks very cautiously at me. I smile eee-vill-eeeeyyyy. :D "Say it."  
"Ummm...umm....um...uh....I forgot my lines!!! DON'T HURT MEEEE!!" he runs away bawling.   
"FUCK IT!!! Where's the Taco Bell dog?!" He comes out. I can tell that he forgot the lines. "SHIT!! Does anybody here know the damn lines?! The lines are very simple!! All you have to say is 'BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED'!! And that's it!!!! Batteries not included!!!!!! Repeat after me, 'Baaaat-terrrriiieeeessss...Nnnnooooott...iiiinnncluuuuudeeeed."  
"Yo Quio, Taco Bell!!!"   
"Wrong commercial!!!!"  
  
END  
  
Maybe not my best one, but I finally got it out. Flame me for it, I don't care. I'll just use them for roasting marshmallows!! Also I wrote this at   
4:00a.m. Ciao!!! 


	8. Squee, Hellmo, and Seseame Street!

Note: Alrighty then!!! I be back with more jiggly ideas!! I gots my comics today, which were suposed to be here next week. Odd... OH WELL!!!! At least I got them so I can entertain you all at this wonderful place!! KIWIS!!! I just have to say this, but the B.A.C. is the most...most...Aaah!! Can't find word to put here!!! After I read it, I drooled more than I used to. Heh. Drool. Jhonen is a very naughty person. NAUGHTY!! You know damn well what I'm talking about!!! Ever see the first page, third panel, in da background, next to the rabbit in Revenge of the Fillerbunny?!! Didjya?! The chicken fucker was also disturbing!!  
  
Disclaimer: This here is a disclaimer. I am disclaiming anything on this page.  
  
Summary: Squee and Shmee is on da Seseame Street. Featuring my favorite: Hellmo. Dun Dun Dun!!!  
  
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The Evil Place of Evil  
  
Commercial 8:  
I will put another person here because Jhonen is still dancing with that one Mexican lady. Dear lord!! This be the third day!! So much Kool-aid!!   
Wee little Jimmy(Not the crazy fanatic of Johnny) was on the floor with his happy, cuddly teddy bear, Mr. Shnoolges, waiting for his favorite show to come on. Seseame Street!!!! Yay!  
It comes on. "Yay!! I so happy!! It came on!!" He squeezes the stuffing out of Mr. Shnoogles in excitment. The theme song plays and he watches with glazed over eyes. Zombie.  
Then on comes Squee and Shmee. And right by them is HELLMO. Uh oh...   
"Um...Hi. My name is Squee and this is my bear Shmee." Points to the bear. "What's that Shmee? No! Roasting the big yellow bird wouldn't be nice. You so funny!"   
"And I am Hellmo," he is on level 7. Goth poetry. (I'll try my best here)  
"Today...we are going to learn the number 7!!" Squee exclaimes so gleefully. Huge smile is on face.   
"Torment. Torment. Why do I feel so tormented? I am now falling down the abyss of rot. Falling. Falling. Will nobody save me? I am so tormented," Hellmo has just recited poetry. (I feel tormented just for writing that peice of shit.)   
Squee and Wee Little Johnny give a strang look.  
"Why do you look at me like that? Your looks make me creep into the void of lonely darkness. Enjoy your bliss, for I will never know what it feels like." -.0   
All this depressing poetry is now making Wee Little Jimmy see the error of his life. He wants to end it now.  
"Um, Mr. Hellmo person? Would you not do that anymore? It is very scary," Squee pleaded.   
But before Hellmo could say anything, THESE ALIENS CAME DOWN TO DO SOME PROBING!!! Probing!!!!  
"We come to do some probing!! Which one of you puny humans wants to go first?!"   
"Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!" Shrieks little Squee and he runs away in total fear. Heh. I laugh at his torment.  
"I don't know what to say. All that I can say is that existing is futile. Sad yes. Your life ahead of you is just one big blackhole of empty nothingness. So farewell my friend, I will be no more."  
This utter gothy gothness angers the aliens and they grab Hellmo.  
Meanwhile, Wee Little Jimmy hung himself to a tree. Oh so sad. Suicidal at the age of three. But he won't be able to witness the probin' horror!! But you will!!!   
The aliens have taken Hellmo to their ship. They do all kind of probing for the next two days.  
While all this was going on, monsters took over Seseame Street!! Pig demons ran wild and it all gave the kids horrifc nightmares that they couldn't sleep for weeks!!! HA HA HA HA!!!!   
  
END  
  
Be honest. WAS THIS CRAPPY OR WHAT?!! I can't do poetry for shit!!! Nugat is goood. Flame me all ye ready ones!! I shall squeeze the little peeps in the store!! Squeezy!! I will be so squeeeeeezzzzzyyyyyy!!! Review me!!! 


	9. The Remote of Death

Note: Me back!!! I had trouble with my server and it wouldn't let me into this site. FUCK YOU, COMPUTER!!!!! Yes I do have a very bad mouth on me. Me bad. Very baaaaad. I slap myself! *SLAP* Aaah!! Damn! I hit hard!! My face! Mah face! The paaain... OK. That's done and over with. Also...PLEASE DON'T THREATEN ME LIFE ANYMORE!!! I dets very paranoid. *Shifty eyes* Gasp!! The CIA found me!!! I leave!!!  
Disclaimer: Dis here is a disclaimer. I diclaim my claim over the free parking. Take the goddamn money!! Also me disclaim the contents of this page.  
Summary: It be Fillerbunny and a deadly remote!! Wow!! SQUIRRELS BIT MY ASS!!! MY ASSCHEEKS!!  
  
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The Remote of Death  
  
Commercial 9:  
  
You turn of the TV box thingy and what do you see? A PINK RABBIT!!! THE HORROR!! PINK!!! Oddly he looks like those marshmallow bunnies that are sold around Easter. Anyway, you watch!  
"Hiya everybody! I'm Fillerbunny! The gentically engineered bunny rabbit created for your entertainment!! And I wish for the ever blessed sleep of death! Yay! I'm here to get you to buy THIS!! *booming voice* A REMOTE OF DEATH!!! Dun dun duuuun!!" He whips out a big black remote. It has a big, shiny red button on it.  
"All you have to do is press the red button and witness the results. I demostrate!" A little Filler sized TV magically appears and a monkee is on it. He points the remote at the TV and presses the red button.  
BOOM!! Splap!! Monkee parts are all over the TV! Ha ha!  
"To receiver your death remote, please call 1-500-555-111-5 and place your order today!" He claps his little nubby paws together. "Am i done now? Can I go kill myself now? What?! What do you mean that I can't leave yet! I did what you want. Just let me diiiiieeee!!'' ZZZZZZZTTTT! He got zapped by a cattle prod. Hee hee. "Uh...Okay. I'll do a dance." He does some kind of sickly woozy dance.  
You get very irritated by this horrible dancing and you call up that long number. Then suddenly your remote magically appears on your lap! Gasp!! Those fuckin' lawn gnomes are back!! I must kill them!! (Pulls out Ghostbuster like gun) You're gonna die!!!! HA ha ha hahhhh!  
Feeling very irritated, you point the remote at the TV and press the red button. BOOM!!! SPLAT!! The bunny be no more!! All his bunny parts are all over the TV screen and you smile in delight. SICK MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE!!!   
THE BUNNY *WILL* GET HIS REVENGE!!!  
  
End  
  
I forgot who gave me this idea but here it is. Commercial #9!! Be happy! Feeling tired right now. Going to go put my head in the toilet and drown in dooky water. Bye. Sweet blessed death here I come!!! 


	10. Hee hee! I am typing poop

            Due to the fact that you went button-happy with the Remote of Death, thus blowing up your TV, we had to get someone else to take your place once again. And the lucky person who gets to sit through 45 seconds of pure nonsense is…well…me. 

            So here I sit on a folding chair, bound, gagged, and slightly groggy from the sedative that I have been shot up with. Mutiny! This is mutiny I sez! Anyways a TV is in front of me and I watch as the screen flickers on.

            On pops some dude taking a shower. ('Tis also the same guy who shnat his pants) So far all he is doing is singing the _Little Mermaid_ theme song. 

            "Oh, hi!" he says, noticing the camera. Then he gets serious all of a sudden. "Do you have dry, itchy, flaky scalp? Then if you do, put down the forks, and listen to what I have to say. Dammit! Listen I sez!"

            A bottle of shampoo magically appears in his hand and he shoots a cheezy-ass smile. "Then try _Seltzer Bloo_. The one and only medicated shampoo that gets rid of all these symptoms." He squirts it into his hand and putting it in his hair, he notices that it won't lather.

            "Huh. That's strange," he says, taking his hands out of his hair. "Why won't it—OH MY GOD! SOMEONE PUT SHIT IN MY SHAMPOO! Aaaaah!" He jumps out of the shower, only to run into the camera. That "technical difficulties" thingy pops up, only to end this sad, sad production.

            And because it was so horrible, my crew finds me dead. (I chewed off my tongue and choked on the blood) They dispose of my body by throwing me into the alligator-infested pool that I have out in my backyard. 

**This is now the end of this horrible string of horrible commercials. Good-bye.**

            **A/N: Whoo! Finally it's over! It took me a few months to complete it, but I's got it done. Now to go work on something else. I need ideas…sigh.


End file.
